FrostedHeart

Because I couldn't see.

2011-10-24T06:15:00.001-07:00

Boy: I broke up with her.

His Best Friend: What happened?

Boy: She’s just too much for me.

His Best Friend: What makes you say that? What did she do wrong?

Boy: Well,...for one.. She only cared about her appearance. Always had to look good, always took forever to get dressed! So insecure..

His Best Friend: So, you broke her heart because she wanted to keep your eyes locked on her? She wanted you to see that you have the prettiest girl under your sleeve and not think otherwise? I see..

Boy: Oh.. Well.. She’d often call me or text me asking where I am, who I’m with, telling me not to smoke, not to drink. She’s so clingy!

His Best Friend: So, you broke her heart because she cares about your well being? Because she cares about you a lot? And her greatest fear is losing you. I see..

Boy: But..Uhh.. Well, she’d always cry when I say something slightly mean. She can’t handle anything. She’s a crybaby!

His Best Friend: So, you broke her heart because she has feelings? And because she just wanted to hear you say you love her? I see..

Boy: I.. Well! You know, she’d get jealous easily. I could barely talk to other girls! She’s so annoying! I had to hide it from her.

His Best Friend: So, you broke her heart because she just wanted you to commit to her? She thought you were faithful, but you lied so she could find out later and hurt even more? She just wanted the guy she loves the most to love only her. I see..

Boy: Well, she..

His Best Friend:You broke up with her because she’s good for you? She just wanted the best for you? She’s broken now because you were selfish. Are you proud?

Boy: I broke her heart.. Because I couldn’t see what was happening.. What happened to me?

His Best Friend: You lost the girl that loved you like no one else could. You see? You didn’t want her when all she ever wanted was you. THAT’S what happened..

Rock Bottom.

2011-09-24T23:33:00.000-07:00

Here is the place where it always snows,

Where everything is white and nothing grows,

If you have fallen here do not fear,

For we are all fragments of years.

-Yours truly.

White.

2011-07-11T06:32:00.000-07:00

I am envious of you White.

For you are a beauty.

Admired and liked by many.

How I wish I can be you.

For only then, will I be pretty to him.

Written By: Yours truly.

MARRIAGE

2010-08-23T23:27:00.000-07:00

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.

She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.

When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.

She requested that every day for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife's divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside
the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.

I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.

Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.
My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push thru with the divorce.-- At least, in the eyes of our son--- I'm a loving husband....

Author's Note:

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in your bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness itself. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that builds intimacy.

You are...

2010-06-09T10:16:00.000-07:00

You are the boy who spent your school fees on $10 worth of chicken wings thereupon getting a spanking from your mother.
You are the boy who grew up to play games every week with fellow boys.
You are the boy who got a Xbox as an engagement present.
You are the boy who would eat like a boy if you lived alone, living on potato chips and Pepsi.
You are the boy who would like it very much if he didn't have to grow up.

You are, however, a boy who grew up to be a guy.

You are the guy whom she met at the pre-departure talk, who insulted her baby blue mobile phone in an attempt to get her phone number.
You are the guy who commented on how she stood like a dancer with her feet turned flat out.
You are the guy who apparently dedicated music to her over the radio and staked out the university just hoping you could catche a glimpse of her.
You are the guy who got lucky when you bumped into her at the traffic just outside university on the first day of school.
You are the guy who repeated her phone number all the way home just in case you forgot it and missed the chance again.
You are the guy who she ate out with on your first date.
You are the guy who had to bear all the crap when she couldn't decide who she liked better, you or some other guy back home.
You are the guy who won her heart by buying her gummi bears and walking her home from ballet in the cold.
You are the guy who she impressed by eating through half a bucket of fried chicken and then sat back and asked what's for desert.
You are the guy who had to be taught what relationships were and in turn taught her how to work hard in a relationship.
You are the guy who put your thesis on the back burner while she wigged out about her own thesis through the year.
You are the guy who proposed to her on the plane back to Melbourne and made her dizzy.

You are the guy who wanted to wear Bata shoes to the wedding and refused to be put into ill-fitting Kenneth Coles.
You are the one who got up there during your wedding and sang to your bride.
You are the guy who endured the pillows hurled at you in her sleep.
You are the guy who will go out there and look for yak's milk from Yemen if she ever demanded it.
You are the guy who buys her flowers and burns her cds just to make her smile.
You are the guy who believes, trusts and prays even when she has given up hope.
You are the guy of her dreams and her greatest fear is to live without you.

Just Too Shy

2009-08-25T20:08:00.000-07:00

10th Grade:-
As I sat there in English class,
I stared at the girl next to me.
She was my so called 'best friend'.
I stared at her long, silky hair,
and wished she was mine.
But she didn't notice me like that,
and I knew it.

After class,
she walked up to me and asked me for
the notes she had missed the day before.
I handed them to her.She said 'thanks'
and gave me a kiss on the cheek.
I want to tell her, I want her to know
that I don't want to be just friends,
I love her but I'm just too shy,
and I don't know why.

11th grade:-
The phone rang. On the other end,
it was her. She was in tears,
mumbling on and on about how
her love had broke her heart.
She asked me to come over
because she didn't want to be alone, So I did.
As I sat next to her on the sofa, I stared at her
soft eyes, wishing she was mine.

After 2 hours, one Drew Barrymore movie,
and three bags of chips,
she decided it's time for me to leave.
She looked at me, said 'thanks'
and gave me a kiss
on the cheek..I want to tell her,
I want her to know that
I don't want to be just friends,
I love her but I'm just too shy,
and I don't know why.

Senior year:-
One fine day she walked to my locker.
"My date is sick" she said,
"hes not gonna go" well,
I didn't have a date, and in 7th grade,
we made a promise that
if neither of us had dates,
we would go together as 'best friends'.
So we did.

That night, after everything was over,
I was standing at her front door step.
I stared at her as She smiled at me
and stared at me with her crystal eyes.
Then she said- "I had the best time, thanks!"
and gave me a kiss on the cheek.
I want to tell her,
I want her to know
that I don't want to be just friends,
I love her but I'm just too shy,
and I don't know why.

Graduation:-
A day passed, then a week, then a month.
Before I could blink, it was graduation day.
I watched as her perfect body
floated like an angel
up on stage to get her diploma.
I wanted her to be mine-but
she didn't notice me like that, and I knew it.

Before everyone went home,
she came to me in her smock and hat,
and cried as I hugged her.
Then she lifted her head from my shoulder
and said- 'you're my best friend,
thanks' and gave me a kiss on the cheek.
I want to tell her,
I want her to know
that I don't want to be just friends,
I love her but I'm just too shy,
and I don't know why.

Marriage:-
Now I sit in the pews of the church.
That girl is getting married now.
and drive off to her new life,
married to another man.
I wanted her to be mine,
but she didn't see me like that,
and I knew it.

But before she drove away,
she came to me and said 'you came !'.
She said 'thanks' and kissed me on the cheek.
I want to tell her,
I want her to know
that I don't want to be just friends,
I love her but I'm just too shy,
and I don't know why.

Death:-
Years passed, I looked down at the coffin
of a girl who used to be my 'best friend'.
At the service, they read a diary entry
she had wrote in her high school years.
This is what it read:
'I stare at him wishing he was mine,
but he doesn't notice me like that,
and I know it.
I want to tell him,
I want him to know that
I don't want to be just friends,
I love him but I'm just too shy,
and I don't know why.
I wish he would tell me he loved me !

.........
'I wish I did too...'
I thought to my self, and cried.

Jason & Joan

2009-08-23T18:03:00.000-07:00

"Look out!"
Joan turned but it was too late. The water bomb had splashed right into her face. She winced. That was cold, she thought. She reached out to wipe the water from her face. She and her friends were at Cindy's birthday party. The games had been fun, but tiring as well. She was glad when it was time to head for the refresments.
"Hey Joan!" Cindy called out.
Joan turned and saw Cindy dragging a 16 year old teenager behind her.
"Let me introduce my brother to you.He's Jason." she said.
Joan turned to look at the stranger for the first time. She gasped. Wasn't this the guy who had teased her everyday when he met her? She was stunned. "You..," was all she could manage to say.
But Jason grinned at her," So this is your friend. I think we met before, haven't we, Joan?"
Joan just stared at Cindy and her brother, nodding her head slowly.
"Oh, if that's the case, i shall leave you two to talk among yourselves," Cindy replied, walking away to entertain the rest of the guests.
"So..hi.," Jason said and smiled, showing his perfect set of white teeth.
"Oh, hello," Joan replied.She took her time to look at Jason. He had a set of deep blue coloured eyes, which reminded her of the ocean. He was tall and had blonde hair. Everything about him matched completely. He seemed..perfect. Too perfect. She would have believed in love at first sight if she didn't have a boyfriend. Too bad she did. And she wasn't going to show Jason that she was interested in him in any way.
"Got to go," Joan turned and left the party.
*****

The sunlight shone into her room. Joan woke up. School was starting again, and the summer holidays were over. No more daydreaming, she thought. Walking into the hall, she picked up the phone and dialed her boyfriend, Andy's number.
"Hello?"
"Hey, Andy?" Joan said.
"Um..Joan? What's up?"
"Can you pick me up in fifteen minutes time?"
"Huh?"
"I thought u said that you wanted to go to school with me today..?"
"Oh. Yeah. I sort of um, forgot. Something cropped up. Sorry honey."
Without another word, Andy hung up.
Well, that was weird, Joan thought. But she ignored that feeling as she believed Andy when he said that something had cropped up. She went to bathe, then she went to school by herself.
On reaching the school gate, she spotted a car that seemed familar to her. The car went into the school and parked itself in an empty spot. Andy got out of the car. Joan smiled and was about to call him when he went over to the passenger's seat and opened the door. A girl dressed in a sweater and a mini skirt stepped out. Joan gasped as the scene continued in front of her. Andy took the girl by her hand and they kissed each other. Joan could not believe what was going on. Is this a dream, or is this for real? She thought as she pinched herself. Ouch, that hurt, she thought. Knowing that she would have to confront Andy sooner or later, she walked up to the couple. Andy saw her and was shocked.
"I demand an explaination." Joan looked at him sternly.
"I--"
"So now you have seen it, and you should know what it means. He wants to break up with you. Get it?" The girl beside Andy interruped.
Joan was speechless. But knowing that she could not do anything about it, she just glared at Andy and ran away.
She ran, not knowing where she was heading to. She just kept running in the hallway. People stared at her. She knew why. Tears were streaming down her crimson cheeks. Her eyes were red and she looked unsightly. She saw a girls' toilet and went inside. Luckily for her, it was empty and she would not have to face any more stares for now. She washed her face and looked into the mirror.
"Joan, you're such a fool. You could have known that Andy is such a freak and he was cheating on you all the time. How could you have fallen into this dumb trap without knowing it?" She said to her reflection.
But the reflection just stared back at her. It gave no reply, and no expressions to show that it was angry. The tears came back.
*****

Joan stepped out of the toilet, feeling refreshed. She turned a corner and nearly banged into Jason.
"Whoa! Watch where you're going, will ya--" Jason stopped in mid sentence when he noticed that it was Joan. "Oh, hey, what's up?" Jason looked at Joan's gloomy face.
"Something happened?" He asked.
But Joan just turned and walked to her class.
*****

It was the last period.Jason couldn't concentrate in class. What was wrong with Joan? Why did she have to avoid him everytime? Maybe she already knew that he had fallen for her. But it was impossible. So far, Jason had not given out any hints to show that. Well, who knows? He thought. Humans are weird. He took out his notebook.

"Dear diary,
I am feeling troubled. I met her again today at the hallway. She looks kind of..sad. I wished I could help her in any way. But she seems to be avoiding me every time. I wished that i could hug her and tell her that everything is gonna be okay. But i can't do that. She doesn't feel the same way towards me like what i feel towards her. It's one-sided love. I want to be with her. Will that dream ever come true one day?"

He closed the notebook. School was over. He picked up his bag and drove home.
*****

Jason rushed to his room and turned on his computer. Everyday after school, he would never fail to see his pen-pal, "Candy Dreams" online. He had never met her before, but she had been a good friend to him all these while.

[Dotty] says: Hi!
[Candy Dreams] says: Hi! I've been waiting for you to come online.
[Dotty] says: Haha..first time hearing you say that.
[Candy Dreams] says: Anyway..i and my boyfriend broke up..
[Dotty] says: Huh? What happened? Are you feeling okay?
[Candy Dreams] says: I wished i hadn't been so childish to have liked him in the first place..
[Dotty] says: Don't be silly. You didn't know this would happen anyway.
[Candy Dreams] says: But i feel so stupid..I can't seem to forget him.
[Dotty] says: You just have to remember..time heals all wounds..
[Candy Dreams] says: Thanks..i really appreciate that.
[Candy Dreams] says: Anyway, enough about me. So what's going on between you and your dream girl?
[Dotty] says: Well..i met her again today.
[Candy Dreams] says: And?
[Dotty] says: Same old thing. She avoided me. But i couldn't help noticing how sad she looked.
[Candy Dreams] says: Maybe she doesn't know how you feel about her..i think you should tell her.
[Dotty] says: No, I dun plan to tell her. I rather things remain this way..
[Dotty] says: I feel that..Just as long as she is happy, I will feel the same way.To me, love is about happiness.I just want to be a friend to her..
[Candy Dreams] says: Whoa, I'd feel lucky if i were her..She has no idea how great you are..
[Candy Dreams] says: I wished my boyfriend was like that..
[Dotty] says: True love will come to you one day too. Dun worry..
[Candy Dreams] says: Hope so. Anyway, gtg. Cya!
[Dotty] says: Cya!
[Candy Dreams has logged off]
*****

Joan felt better. Maybe time really would heal all wounds. She reached into her drawer and took out her diary.

"Dear Diary,
I feel a lot better after talking to my friend. Sometimes i feel that he's like a soul mate to me. Well anyway, maybe things will get a lot better. It isn't time for me to brood about this stuff anymore. I have to forget about Andy. Actually, you know what? I have a little feeling for Jason too. But i'm not gonna go into another relationship so soon..And i can't guarantee than Jason feels the same way. Who knows what will happen in the future?"

*****

Jason stepped into the school, feeling fresh after a morning bath. He walked up to his classroom, meeting Joan on the way. To his suprise, she smiled at him, showing a perfect pair of dimples. Jason grinned and fluffed her hair as they walked past each other. He continued on his way, smiling to himself all the time. He felt warm. She had actually smiled at him! It was such a great feeling to know that he had actually existed in Joan's life.
During break time, Jason saw Joan and decided to strike up a conversation to see whether she would respond.
"Um..so..hi," Jason stammered.
"Hey!" Joan greeted cheerfully, laughing as she did so.
Jason felt surprised and warm at her friendly greeting. She looks so cute when she laughs, he thought.
"Care to eat with me?" Jason asked hopefully
"Sure!" was Joan's joyful response.
*****

After eating his dinner, Jason went to his room and took out his notebook.

"Dear Diary,
I had a great lunch today. Perhaps that was because of her presence. She smiled at me for the first time today.. I felt warm. It makes me more unwilling to confess my true feelings to her as i am afraid that she would avoid me. I rather she treat me this way, just like a close friend whom she can share her thoughts to. I don't want to do something that I will regret later. Maybe it would be best if the situation remains like this.."

Jason closed his notebook silently. The day after would be international friendship day. He decided to buy a present for Joan.
*****

"Hi!" Joan called out.
Jason turned around.
"Hey girl," He grinned.
Joan smiled. He had no idea how his heart-stopping grin seem to be of a comfort to her.
"So, what's going on?" Joan asked.
"Haha, same old thing. I can't figure out a thing the algebra teacher is talking about."
"Did u always have a problem with algebra? You could have told me earlier!"
"Don't tell me i'm talking to an algebra expert?" Jason asked.
"Haha.. Well, i wouldn't call myself that. But i get As for my algebra. It's my favourite subject."
"Hey! That's cool! Would you be willing to teach me?"
"Sure! In fact, I'm free after school today. You?"
"Me too. Meet you in the library after school?"
"Okay. See ya later then," Joan replied.
They then parted, walking different directions towards their classrooms.Suddenly, Jason turned around.
"Hey," He called out.
"Yeah?" Joan turned.
"Thanks..for being such a friend. I really appreciate that,"
"Hey, you're a great friend yourself too," Joan smiled.
They continued on their own way. Maybe there is hope for both of us..? No, I shouldn't be thinking like this. But..i actually have the feeling that i miss him.. Joan thought. Clutching her books tightly towards her chest, she walked into the classroom, put her things down and took out her diary.

"Dear Diary,
What is going on? What is wrong with me..? Why is it that I long to be with him but yet i am trying my best not to like him..? Is this love? I wished he was here right now, beside me. I want to be with him so badly, but he seems to treat me only as a close friend. That's all. A close friend. I want to be someone more than a close friend to him. But maybe that is not so possible after all.."

*****

"Dear Diary,
Is that all i really mean to her? A 'great friend' ? I want to be more than a great friend to her. But it seems that she only treats me as a friend. I don't know how to tell her how much i want to be with her. Maybe waiting would be my only option.. Is this love?"

Jason rested his head on his hands and re-read the entry he had just written into his notebook. He sighed. Maybe love isn't so great after all..
*****

Joan waved at Jason to signal him to come over to the table she was sitting at. Jason jogged over and pulled out a chair to make himself comfortable.
"Had a great lunch?" Joan asked.
"Yeah.."
"Okay.. I guess we can start on our work then," Joan said.
Throughout the whole afternoon, Joan spent her time explaining to Jason and teaching him all the problems which he didn't know how to solve. She was disappointed when it was time to go home. But she refused to show her true feelings to Jason and put on a brave front instead.
"So..if you have any other questions..feel free to find me," She smiled.
"Thanks," Jason answered.
They left the library, each going their own separate way.
*****

Joan rushed to her room, dumped her bag aside, and turned on her computer. Dotty was online! She couldn't wait to tell him what had happened recently.

[Candy Dreams] says: Hey!!
[Dotty] says: Hi!
[Candy Dreams] says: Sorry I'm late..
[Dotty] says: Haha, no problem, I just signed in not long ago too.
[Candy Dreams] says: Okay..
[Dotty] says: So what's up?
[Candy Dreams] says: I seem to have fallen for someone else...
[Dotty] says: That's great. Maybe that person would treat your better than how your ex did..
[Candy Dreams] says: I don't even know whether he feels the same way..
[Dotty] says: Hey, remember the advice you gave me? Why don't you tell the guy?
[Candy Dreams] says: Me? No way. I wouldn't want to break a friendship.
[Dotty] says: But did you give him any hints?
[Candy Dreams] says: Nah.. I think he only treats me as a close friend..
[Dotty] says: Don't be so sad..
[Candy Dreams] says: I'm alright. Thanks.. I gtg anyway. I'm tired. Off to sleep!=)
[Dotty] says: Haha..maybe you should be called Candy Pig huh?
[Candy Dreams] says: Hey! Too tired to argue with you anymore. Good night!
[Candy Dreams has logged off]

Joan smiled to herself. Sometimes, Dotty had such humor that she was unable to resist. He would always make her smile even after a tired day. Time to sleep, she thought.
*****

Jason clutched the present tightly in his hand. It was International friendship day and he had gotten a present for Joan. He made his way to her classroom.
"Joan?"
She turned. Jason was standing at the doorway of her classroom.
"Hey. Nice to see ya," she responded.
"So um..here's a present for you. Friends forever.."
Joan was surprised. She had gotten a present for Jason too.
"Wait here," she told him.
Awhile later, Joan returned, holding a box tied with a silver ribbon.
"Here," she said.
They exchanged their presents with each other.
"Thanks for being such a good friend to me. Friends forever..," Joan smiled at Jason.
Once again, Jason was struck by her smile. He just stared at her with a kind of sadness in his eyes. This girl can never be mine, he thought. He grinned at Joan and waved goodbye to her before going back to his classroom.
*****
Joan returned to her seat. She stared at the lavender box in her hand. What could be in it? she thought. opening the box, she saw a silver bracelet lying among the soft cotton. She picked it up. It's beautiful, she thought. She gazed at it for awhile before putting it back into the box. Taking out her diary, she wrote:

"Dear Diary,
He gave me a bracelet. And it's..really beautiful..I hope he likes the present i gave him too.. But i don't understand. Does he just treat me as a friend? I want to be more than a friend to him. But it's so hard to tell him. I just seem to lose my words when looking at him. He's my angel. My love. But he'll never get to know that..I'll never find the courage to tell him.."

The teacher came in. Joan closed her book quickly and put in in her bag. Who is this cute guy beside the teacher? She thought. Awhile later, the guy was introduced as Dave. He had just transferred from another school and Joan was assigned to help him around the school. Thus, Dave was to sit beside her. The other girls stared at Joan with envy. But Joan..her thoughts were all filled of Jason..
*****

"Dear Diary,
She gave me a wallet. That was sweet of her. I love the present she gave me..i hope she likes the one i gave her too..I don't understand. Does she treat me only as a friend? She means much more to me than that. But she doesn't know. And she never will..cos i won't have the courage to tell her.."
*****

Just as Joan was walking down the hallway, a voice stopped her.
"Um..hi."
She turned her head. Wasn't that Dave?
"Hey. You got problems with your work?"
"Er..actually yea.sort of.Are u able to go through some notes with me tomorrow?"
"Tomorrow..yea i think i'll be free."
"Okay..we'll study at my house? My parents will be home, so don't worry."
"Haha.I'm not gonna worry with an honest guy like you. see ya tomorrow then!"
Joan walked off.
Dave stared at her. She's wonderful, he thought. And i'm in love with her.
*****

Joan threw her bag onto the bed and turned on the computer immediately.
A new contact had added her.
"Who's this guy..?" She said to herself.
dave_jones@hotmail.com
Sounds familiar, she thought.

[Dave] says: Hey..are u Joan?
[Candy Dreams] says: Yea..u are Dave?
[Dave] says: Haha. The one and only.
[Candy Dreams] says: Okae. So how did u get my add?
[Dave] says: Well. thru a senior..
[Candy Dreams] says: Haha, well okae. these things happen all the time anyway.
[Dave] says: So are u still on for tomorrow?
[Candy Dreams] says: Yea sure. I'm supposed to help u anyway.
[Dave] says: Ok. Hey look, i gtg. Cya tomorrow then.
[Candy Dreams] says: Yep..cya.good nite.
[Dave has logged off]

[Dotty has logged on]
[Candy Dreams] says: Hiyahh~
[Dotty] says: Heyyz.
[Candy Dreams] says: Haha. I had a great day and i'm soo happie!!
[Dotty] says: Hmm..looks like something happened huh.
[Candy Dreams] says: He gave me a present!!
[Dotty] says: Sounds familar..haha..anyway, what is it?
[Candy Dreams] says: Secret..
[Dotty] says: Oh well.Haha.Hmm..Candy?
[Candy Dreams] says: Yeah?
[Dotty] says: Do you want to meet up?
[Candy Dreams] says: Um..well..i'm nort sure..u want?
[Dotty] says: I'm not sure too..but i reallie want to meet up with u.
[Candy Dreams] says: Me too. Well in that case..how about next wednesday?
[Dotty] says: No problem. Meet at?
[Candy Dreams] says: Hmm..you know that place Dolphino?8pm?
[Dotty] says: Yeah sure. I gtg. See you soon..
[Candy Dreams] says: Haha.I'm looking forward to meeting u too. See ya..
[Dotty has logged off]

*****

Joan stood at the steps of Dave's house, clutching her books. She pressed the bell. Dave opened the door.
"Hey," Joan said.
"Well, come in."
Dave led Joan to the living room, where his parents were at.
"Hi auntie and uncle," Joan greeted them politely.
They smiled at her and nodded.
"So where are we supposed to study?" Joan asked Dave.
"At the dining room. Come on."
They walked to the dining room and sat down. Then, Joan taught Dave all the subjects which he had problems in. The time passed quickly and it was time for Joan to leave.
"Bye. See you in school tomorrow," Joan said and left his house.
Dave, you're so stupid, you could have asked her to stay awhile more, he thought. Oh well.
*****

[Candy Dreams has logged on]
[Dave] says: Hi!
[Candy Dreams] says: Hey.
[Dave] says: Um..i got something to tell you.
[Candy Dreams] says: Haha, what is it?
[Dave] says: Well um..
[Candy Dreams] says: Yeah?
[Dave] says: I..i like you.
[Candy Dreams] says: Huh?
[Dave] says: I know you probably don't feel the same way..But i reallie like u alot and i'm gonna try to win your heart..i hope you won't stop me..cya.
[Candy Dreams] says: Well..
[Dave has logged off]

What's going on? Joan thought. Is he kidding or what? I just knew him a few days ago and he likes me? Is that a joke? Well. Guys.
*****

Jason went to his room to do his homework. When he sat down at his chair, he suddenly remembered that he left his pen with his sister. He went to her room to take it.
Seeing that his pen was on her table, he decided that he didn't need her permission to take something that was his. He was just about to leave when a piece of paper on the desk caught his attention. He picked it up.
candy_dreams@hotmail.com
Isn't that..
No it couldn't be.
But..how did my sis know candy dreams? He thought.
Wanting to solve this unanswered question, he took the piece of paper and went to the living room to ask his sister.
"Cindy!" Jason called.
"What's up bro," Cindy replied.
"Who is this person? How did u get her email add?"
"Don't be silly. Isn't that Joan? You know her. She was at my birthday party, remember?" Cindy casually replied.
"Huh? That Joan? Oh..thanks." Jason returned the paper to his sister.
He went back to his room and turned on his computer.
No wonder everything that happened to her seemed so familiar to me..but..should i let her know who I am? I don't want to. I want to take hold of this chance to get to know her better..But..we're supposed to meet next week..what should i do..? Jason was lost in his thoughts.

[Candy Dreams has logged on]
[Dotty] says: Hey..
[Candy Dreams] says: Hiyahhz
[Dotty] says: Um..i don't think i'll be able to meet u next week..I'm going out..
[Candy Dreams] says: Oh..in that case..it's alright..
[Dotty] says: I'm sorry..
[Candy Dreams] says: It's reallie okay. We can always find some other time to meet up rite?
[Dotty] says: Um well..i'll be kind of busy for the next few months..
[Candy Dreams] says: Okay then..we'll talk about it again when you're free..
[Dotty] says: Okay..
[Candy Dreams] says: Yeah..
[Dotty] says: Why aren't u talking..?
[Candy Dreams] says: I'm just kind of disappointed..but it's okay reallie.
[Dotty] says: Oh..
[Dotty] says: Well, never mind. I think i will be able to meet u afterall.
[Candy Dreams] says: Huh?
[Dotty] says: Um..i jus remembered that it's thursday i'm going out on. Shesh.i can get pretty forgetful sometimes u know..
[Candy Dreams] says: Really?That's great!=).Hey, i gotta go. Cya! Night.
[Candy Dreams has logged off]

"Dear Diary,
I feel like such a liar.But i still had to meet her in the end. I can't bear to see her upset. It really hurts. It makes me sad to see her disappointed like just now.. Anyway it's just a meeting with her right? Why am i being such a coward? But..i don't want her to know. I really want to get to know her well.."
*****

Dave entered the classroom with a box of chocolates in his hands. He smiled at Joan and passed her the box.
"Huh? Is that for me?" Joan asked.
"Yep.Hope you'll accept it."
"But..i can't.."
"Please..just give me a chance to prove that i can love u like anyone else does..," Dave said sincerely, looking at Joan.
"Oh well..Okay.."
Joan felt touched. Was this how it felt like to be loved by someone else? She smiled gratefully at him.

"Dear Diary,
It's been a few days since i last saw Jason. I wonder what he's doing right now..? Dave is being pretty sweet to me. He's a nice guy. Well, i'm not considering anything though. Am i? Nah..don't think so. I'm meeting Dotty tomorrow. I'm so excited. I've known him for a year and tomorrow will be the first time i'm meeting him. Hope everything goes well.."

"Joan?"
Joan quickly shut her book.
"Yea?" She said to Dave.
"Are you free tonight? Do you want to go watch a movie?"
"Um well..alright." Joan decided that there couldn't be much harm done in watching a movie with Dave.
"I'll pick u up at 7pm then?"
"Yep."
*****

A car arrived outside Joan's house at 7pm sharp. The doorbell rang and Joan ran to open the door. "Hey, you're punctual!" She commented. Dave led Joan to the car. They soon reached the cinema. But everything passed quickly and they had watched finish the touching romance movie. Dave sent her home.

"Dear Diary,
Is it possible that I like Dave? He makes me feel wanted. Makes me feel loved. I don't feel like waiting for Jason anymore when there's someone like Dave who is willing to spent his time loving me. But.I don't know.How am i supposed to feel now? I'm confused ever since Dave came into my life.. Sometimes i feel that i like him. But sometimes i miss Jason.A lot.I don't know.."

Joan sighed.It's so hard to tell my own feelings, she thought.

[Dave has logged on]
[Dave] says: Hi
[Candy Dreams] says: Hiya
[Dave] says: Um.
[Candy Dreams] says: ?
[Dave] says: Can you be my girlfriend?
[Candy Dreams] says: Um..
[Dave] says: I know u need time to decide.I'll give u time.But please give me a chance..
[Candy Dreams] says: Okay..how bout trying out? I know it's not reallie the same but i'm sort of confused right now..maybe trying out will help solve this.
[Dave] says: If that's what u want..alright..but i'm happy as long as you're willing to do that.
[Candy Dreams] says: Kae.i gtg.. Cya tml.
[Candy Dreams has logged off]

What have i done? She thought. Do i really like him? Oh well. I've already done it. Nothing can change. Anyway i sort of like him..right? Yea.
*****

The day passed quickly. Finally it was an hour before meeting Dotty. Joan was feeling pretty excited. She decided to go early just to be on the safe side. She had told Dotty her hand phone number and told him to call her when he reached. Soon, Joan reached Dolphino.
*****

Jason was driving to Dolphino.He had tried to dial Joan's number to tell him that he might be late but she seemed to have turned off her hand phone. He fixed his attention on his hand phone instead of the road and dialed her number again. Then, he heard a scream. He looked up from his hand phone to see a child standing in the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting him and hit onto a tree. Everything blackened out. He couldn't feel anything..
*****

Joan had been waiting for half an hour now. She was getting impatient but still, she had to wait for Dotty's call. She took out her hand phone to see if there were any missed calls. Huh? She thought. She had turned off her hand phone without realizing it. No wonder there were no calls for her. It's all my fault, she thought. I hope Dotty calls again.
*****

Jason awoke to find himself in a hospital bed. A sharp pain in his leg caused him to wince.
"Quick, find someone with the same blood type as this guy!!" a voice said.
"Wait!" Jason heard himself saying.
The doctor and the nurses stopped in their tracks to look at Jason.
"I know I'm dying soon..don't stop me..I just need a pen and paper..please.." Both items were passed to him a minute later. Using all the strength he had left, he wrote a letter to Joan. After he had finished writing, he gave Joan's number to the nurse and told her to call Joan to the hospital to collect the letter.
Jason felt tired. He decided to go to sleep. Maybe that would stop all the pain. Without realizing it, he felt himself drifting apart from the world..
*****

An hour later, Joan was still standing outside Dolphino. Suddenly, her phone rang.
"Hello?" Joan said.
"Is this Joan? I am calling from the hospital. A guy who identifies himself as Jason has asked u to come to the hospital to collect a letter." The voice replied.
"I'll be right over."
*****

Joan walked to the reception counter.
"Hi..I'm Joan. There's supposed to be a letter for me..?"
The nurse on duty looked up.
"Oh yah. Here you go." She passed a piece of paper to Joan.
Joan took it and walked down the corridor, reading the letter..:

"Hey..candy pig..
well..are u surprised that i know this nickname that was given to u by Dotty? I do not want to hide it anymore..i am dotty..i just knew that u were candy dreams a few days ago too. that was why i was so afraid of letting u see who i am..
by the time u received this letter..i probably won't be in this world anymore..i'll be somewhere else..far far away..away from all this pain.it hurts too much to continue living. i have loved u the moment i saw u, Joan. But you only treated me as a good friend..it hurts. Every time u say "thanks for being such a good friend", it's like a stab to my heart. I want u to treat me more than a friend. but it's so hard to say so..i have never confessed my feelings to you..for fear of being rejected.now that i'm leaving this world..perhaps it won't be so hard to tell u anymore..
anyway...i heard that you and Dave are going steady. Is that true? If it is..congratulations to u.. maybe you would be happier and more fortunate. Dave would surely treat u better than your ex.I'm happy for u. I told myself..as long as u find your happiness..i will give you my blessings..cos i learn that loving someone is not about holding on..it's about making her happy. I'm glad that i spent my lifetime knowing you. I have never regretted knowing you because you gave me happiness..a kind of happiness that no one else is able to provide me with..i know u don't feel the same way..but it's okay..i just want u to be happy..
I'll be ending my letter than..bye..my leaf..
From: Jason a.k.a Dotty...=).."

A tear dropped on the paper.
*****

Joan rushed to the reception again.
"Which room is Jason in?" She asked.
"Room 169. But be quick. The doctors are going to carry his body away soon."
Joan ran all the way to Room 169, still clutching the letter. She peered into the glass window that separated both her and Jason. There he was, lying in the bed. He's not here anymore..she thought.
Wait,i don't understand. Why did he call me his leaf in the letter? Joan thought.
Glancing down on the paper, She saw the small words that was written at the corner of the paper.
"Leaf's departure is because of Wind's pursuit? Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay..?"
She was touched. Two tears rolled down her crimson cheeks.

"Tree didn't ask her to stay.." She whispered.
*****

Author: Jasmine Tan

I Love You Dad

2008-12-26T23:34:00.000-08:00

Her hair was up in a pony tail,
her favourite dress tied with a bow.
Today was Daddy's Day at school,
and she couldn't wait to go.

But her mommy tried to tell her,
that she probably should stay home.
Why the kids might not understand,
if she went to school alone.

But she was not afraid;
she knew just what to say.
What to tell her classmates
of why he wasn't there today.

But still her mother worried,
for her to face this day alone.
And that was
why once again,
she tried to keep her daughter home.

But the little girl went to school
eager to tell them all.
About a dad she never sees
a dad who never calls.

There were daddies along the wall in back,
for everyone to meet.
Children squirming impatiently,
anxious in their seats.

One by one the teacher called a student from the class.
To introduce their daddy,
as seconds slowly passed.

At last the teacher called her name,
every child turned to stare.
Each of them was searching,
a man who wasn't there.

"Where's her daddy at?"
she heard a boy call out.
"She probably doesn't have one,"
another student dared to shout.

And from somewhere near the back,
she heard a daddy say,
"Looks like another deadbeat dad,
too busy to waste his day."

The words did not offend her,
as she smiled up at her Mom.
And looked back at her teacher,
who told her to go on.

And with hands behind her back,
slowly she began to speak.
And out from the mouth of a child,
came words incredibly unique.

"My Daddy couldn't be here,
because he lives so far away.
But I know he wishes he could be,
since this is such a special day.
And though you cannot meet him,
I wanted you to know.
All about my daddy,
and how much he loves me so.

He loved to tell me stories
he taught me to ride my bike.
He surprised me with pink roses,
and taught me to fly a kite.
We used to share fudge sundaes,
and ice cream in a cone.
And though you cannot see him,
I'm not standing here alone.

"Cause my daddy's always with me,
even though we are apart.
I know because he told me,
he'll forever be in my heart

With that, her little hand reached up, and lay across her chest.
Feeling her own heartbeat, beneath her favourite dress.

And from somewhere here in the crowd of dads,
her mother stood in tears.
Proudly watching her daughter,
who was wise beyond her years.

For she stood up for the love of a man not in her life.
Doing what was best for her,
doing what was right.

And when she dropped her hand back down, staring straight into the crowd.
She finished with a voice so soft,
but its message clear and loud.

"I love my daddy very much,
he's my shining star.
And if he could, he'd be here, but heaven's just too far.

You see he was a policeman and died just this past year
When airplanes hit the towers and taught Americans to fear.
But sometimes when I close my eyes, it's like he never went away."
And then she closed her eyes,and saw him there that day.

And to her mothers amazement,she witnessed with surprise.
A room full of daddies and children, all starting to close their eyes.
Who knows what they saw before them, who knows what they felt inside.
Perhaps for merely a second,they saw him at her side.

"I know you're with me Daddy," to the silence she called out.
And what happened next made believers, of those once filled with doubt.

Not one in that room could explain it,
for each of their eyes had been closed.

But there on the desk beside her,
was a fragrant long-stemmed pink rose.

And a child was blessed,
if only for a moment,
by the love of her shining star.

And given the gift of believing, that heaven is never too far.

Author's Note:
They say it takes a minute to find a special person,
an hour to appreciate them,
a day to love them,
but an entire life to forget them.

A mother's story

2008-06-25T03:51:00.000-07:00

My mom only had one eye. I hated her... She was such an embarrassment.
She cooked for students and teachers to support the family.

There was this one day during elementary school where my mom came to say hello to me.
I was so embarrassed.
How could she do this to me?
I ignored her, threw her a hateful look and ran out.
The next day at school one of my classmates said, 'EEEE, your mom only has one eye!'

I wanted to bury myself.
I also wanted my mom to just disappear.
I confronted her that day and said, ' If you're only gonna make me a laughing stock, why don't you just die?'
My mom did not respond... I didn't even stop to think for a second about what I had said, because I was full of anger. I
was oblivious to her feelings.

I wanted out of that house, and have nothing to do with her.
So I studied real hard and got a chance to go abroad to study.
Then, I got married.
I bought a house of my own.
I had kids of my own.
I was happy with my life, my kids and the comforts.
Then one day, my Mother came to visit me.
She hadn't seen me in years and she didn't even meet her grandchildren.

When she stood by the door, my children laughed at her, and I yelled at her for coming over uninvited.
I screamed at her, 'How dare you come to my house and scare my children!' GET OUT OF HERE! NOW!!!'

And to this, my mother quietly answered, 'Oh, I'm so sorry. I may have gotten the wrong address,' and she disappeared out of sight.
One day, a letter regarding a school reunion came to my house.
So I lied to my wife that I was going on a business trip.
After the reunion, I went to the old shack just out of curiosity.

My neighbors said that she died.
I did not shed a single tear.
They handed me a letter that she had wanted me to have.

'My dearest son,

I think of you all the time.
I'm sorry that I came to your house and scared your children.
I was so glad when I heard you were coming for the reunion.
But I may not be able to even get out of bed to see you.
I'm sorry that I was a constant embarrassment to you when you were growing up.
You see........when you were very little, you got into an accident, and lost your eye.
As a mother, I couldn't stand watching you having to grow up with one eye.
So I gave you mine.
I was so proud of my son who was seeing a whole new world for me, in my place, with that eye.

With all my love to you,
Your mother.

Author's Note:
Always tell someone that you love them because you never know what day will be their last, or your own.

Always seek to resolve your problems or disagreements with loved ones because if either of you should pass on before, the one who is left alive will have the rest of their life to ponder those unresolved feelings but will never find closure.
And closure usually brings Peace...

How do we get the best out of life?
Face your past without regrets. Handle your present with confidence. And prepare for the future without fear!

Young Woong Jae Joong

2008-02-12T05:40:00.000-08:00

Long time ago, somewhere in Korea, a 15 year old boy bid goodbye to the city that had raised him,
He gathered up a few pieces of luggage and said goodbye to 8 sisters and 2 parents who loves him deeply.
He got on the train to Seoul, his family cried at the sight of his back walking away, the boy heard his loved ones crying for him, but he was afraid to look back.
Because he knew if he looked back, he wouldn’t have the heart to leave.
He didn’t want to throw away his dream and he didn’t want his family to see his tears.
Just like that, with a very thin jacket in a freezing winter, for the sake of his dream, the boy left his home town for the first time in 15 years, to a big city he’s only seen in his dreams.

Finally, the train has stopped, the boy got off of the train, as he looked at this strange yet fancy city and all its glory, busy streets, lime lights, he’s never seen anything like this before.
He felt his heart grow weak because it was so overwhelming.
Can he really find his place in a city like this?
The boy hesitated, his faith was shaken.
But, the dream he has in his heart can’t die,
if he just goes home like this, he’ll never forgive himself for being such a weak coward.
So, without any help or anyone, the boy found himself an apartment the size of a tuna can.. and call it home.

SM Entertainment, the biggest music entertainment company held its second singing contest at this very city. The boy went.
in the lobby, he saw so many other boys that are just like him, hoping to get picked through his contest so they can be on their way to a great singer.
All the boys were well dressed, they were wearing the hippest clothes, with high-end mp3 players in their ears as they practice.
The boy looked down on his plain grey T-shirt and jeans, he felt like he has already lost half of the battle.

He was contestant number 12, he walked into the audition room.
There sat five cold and expressionless judges, he was very nervous.
until a judge asked him to open his mouth and sing.
Just like that, his voice touched everyone in the room.
That voice, was by the far the purest, the softest they’ve heard,
when you listen to his voice, you can’t help but feel his sadness and emotions.
Even so, you want to continue to listen to his voice, forever and forever,
Be lost in the sound of his voice., even if, his voice was too soft, too weak.

The reason the boy won the contest because he has a flawless face, perfect skin, long eyelashes, delicate features that are even prettier than a girl’s, big watery eyes, pouty lips, and that skin as white as snow.
They said his face was born to be in the entertainment business.
He got signed by SM, with a 7 year contract, including two years of training.
He has to pay for all of his music, dancing and other classes.
The next five years he would actually become an entertainer.
Seeing himself getting much closer to his dream, the boy signed the contract, knowing in the next two years, his life will be extremely tough.
Tough like he’s never experienced before, but he knows this is his dream, so he refused to give up.

So he begun those two grueling years, he knew his family isn’t well off, so he’s never asked his parents for a penny.
Everyday he jumped in between 3 different jobs, when everyone else was still sleeping.
The printer will drop off a stack of newspaper that are as heavy as he is, he would ride an old bike and deliver those newspapers door by door.
In the afternoon he would jump from construction site to construction doing temporary work, that gorgeous face is being covered by those pounds of cement and dir.
He had to suppress his beautiful voice because he wanted to be liked by his superior.
After his music lessons early afternoon, in order to save a few dollars, he walks 3 hours to his job as a waiter at a restaurant.
He quietly does his job, silently takes on everything a 15 year shouldn’t.
Doing everything he can to get through these two rough years.
All for the day he will be surrounded by stage lights.

The boy did everything he could, but he still couldn’t manage three meals a day.
Every time he gets his salary, the first he does is pays for his lessons, even if the left over isn’t nearly enough for him to eat or buy any clothes.
Finally one day, the boy realized he didn’t have any money left for food, he had been starving for two days.
His weak body shouldn’t even be walking, but with the pressure of paying for his classes, he still went to work.
That night, when he was cleaning a table at the restaurant, he saw a customer has left more than half bowl of his noodle soup.
It was still hot, he couldn’t take the hunger anymore, his hands were shaking.. he picked up a spoon and started to eat the left over noodles..
huh.
He wonders why it starts to taste so salty.. then he realized it was his tears.. they had landed into the bowl without him realizing.

One the day, the boy got sick, he was running a high fever.
He laid in his tiny little apartment for three straight days, thank god he already paid for his lessons.
But he was short 3 days worth of pay, so once again, the boy dragged his fragile body, and walked three hours to his job at the restaurant.
On the way back, he saw a blood donating booth, his stomach growled at him.
The boy once again did something he didn’t want to.. he walked inside...
After an hour, he came out with a few bills in his hand, dragged his lifeless body into a store and bought the cheapest pack of cracker there is.

Finally, he got through these two years, he was chosen to be in a group of five, the company have announced that this is going to be one of the best group of all times.
Even though the five boys are very different, but the company believe that together, they will be perfect.
The boys thought he was so lucky to be chosen in such a group, at the same time, being the oldest, he got four younger “brothers” who adores him.
When they put out their first EP, even though there are only two songs on there, they topped the charts in Korea.
This also broke the tradition that EP doesn’t sell well in Korea, the boy finally got a taste of success, as he sees more and more fan letters everyday, he knew everything in the past two years was worth it

But nothing’s perfect in this worl, good times are always short.
it’s cruel actually.
The first time they held their fan meeting, the people that came were fans of other members.
Watching lines of fans lined up in front of other members, there was not a single soul in front of him.
He wanted to scream and cry.
The crew members didn’t want to make the scene appear awkward, so they dragged a few fans to the boy.
The boy held his sadness, starting talk to the female fan girl.
But the fan girl coldly threw him a retort: " I was forced to stand in your line, I don’t even like you."
His heart was shattered again. But he didn’t cry, he rather bit his lip and let it bleed, because he did not want to cry in front of anyone.
Especially himself. The boy did not know why the fan didn’t like him.
But what he doesn’t know was that his fans were still waiting outside the building because the meeting room was full.. their hearts shattered along with his own.

Once he found out online that it was not because others do not like him nor did he do anything wrong.
It was because he was just too pretty.. even the girls were jealous.. reading this silly gibberish, the boy chuckled.
He never gave up, everyday he puts on his sincere smile to public, hoping and praying that others will see him for who he really is and to hear his voice.
But the harder he try the more pressure he felt.
Whenever he makes a mistake during performances, it makes him nervous, because he was afraid that others will dislike him even more because of it.
So little by little, the boy stopped smiling in front of the camera, watching his every action and words.

But because of his actions, the fans were accusing him of pretending to be cool, so the company considered switching him out.. he was seriously scared, he did not want to leave this place that was practically his second home.
But he understand that he was just a "body" that makes money for the company.
if the consumers are tired of this body, the company must switch the body for new one.
He did not get switched, he found out that his fans roamed the streets in his honor for days, begging the company to keep him in the group.
Also, the youngest of the group, Changmin, despite what the manager forbids him to do, begged in front of the camera, that if the company takes the boy away, he will tear up his contract and go back to being a high school student.

The boy cried, he knows that everyone in this group has a passion for music.
Changmin the youngest, just like him, has gone through hardship to get to where he is today.
The boy cherished everything he has even more, he begins to practice harder and harder, to thank his fans, and also to show his best to his fans that loves him.
During concerts, the boy always looks around in the audience, the director said that looks funny when he sings, the boy said it’s better for the singer to stare at one particular spot when he sings, but he can’t do that, because he wants to see the face of every single fan out there, even if the picture captured of him was ugly, he did not care.

Once during dance practice, the boy fell.. he thought it was normal to fall when dancing.
But this time he could not get back up, his knees were hurting like crazy.
He balled up and started shaking in the corner of the room, the leader, Yunho, without saying a word, carried the boy on his back and took him to the nearest hospital, at the split second when the emergency room door was closing, the boy saw four familiar figures on the other side of the door.
Worrying for him, praying for him.

The doctor said his right knee was pretty much gone, he needs surgery asap and it was a major surgery so he needs to rest for a long time after the operation.
But the boy refused, the second day after his surgery, he arrived at the Seoul Olympic stadium with the rest of the members, as per schedule.
He met his fans, before the meeting.
Yunho was by his side all the time, did not leave his side for even a second.
During the fan meeting, they asked what does Changmin want for the new year.
Changmin answered: " I wish for hyung to get better soon."

The boy hates crying, he looked down, tried his hardest not to let his tears fall, he finally looked at the fans, he saw them crying for him, his heart was breaking.
He picked the microphone and said: "I’m not hurting at all, really, please don’t cry for me, let’s face each other with smiles, please?"
This is the first the boy has lied to everyone, it was within 24 hours of his surgery, how can it not hurt?
But he toughed it out, for the love he has for his fans.

He finally recovered and celebrated with his friends.
on the drive home, he was pulled over by the police for drinking and driving.
Yunho came to pick him up at the police station without a word, but the boy knew he has let Yunho and the others down.
The boy was kept in silence by the company for two weeks, he knew that this was actually the lightest punishment for his foolish actions, and he knew his members have been begging the company many many times, so that he will not get kicked out.
Because of this incident, he insisted in the next fan meeting, he will apologize to everyone.
That was the first time the boy has shed tears in front of his fans, when his fans said that they forgive him and they still love him.

The boy started to get more and more popular, people started seeing him for more than just a gorgeous face, he’s a passionate musician with a beautiful voice and he’s a brave soul who isn’t afraid to face his mistakes.
Three simple words “ we forgive you “ from the fans gave him all the faith he needed to carry on.
This boy is Kim JaeJoong, a member of the legend group in Korea, Dong Bang Shin Ki.
The company gave him the stage of name of Young Woong (Hero) JaeJoong.
To remind himself whenever he wants to cry, he cannot do so because he is Hero JaeJoong and a Hero does not cry.
A hero will fight til the end and win the battle.

Author's Note:
Once a DBSK fan said that the first time she saw JaeJoong, she thought his name couldn’t possibly be Hero because it didn’t suit his fragile image, but she knows now why his name is Hero, because underneath his beauty, lies the soul of a true hero.

Source: ILikeJelly@soompi
Re-written by: 蝶 Cho

never give up on the things that make you smile

2007-11-11T08:29:00.000-08:00

tears do not drown your sorrows,
they feed other people's joy.

After a while, you learn the difference between holding a hand and falling in love.
You begin to learn that kisses do not always mean something and promises can be broken just as quickly as they are made and sometimes, goodbyes really are forever.

Interesting Facts

2007-11-09T05:19:00.001-08:00

The hardest lesson in life is to see light in darkness.

Experience make life more fantastic.

Blessing makes the world better.

Life is like a circus, practice brings perfection.

Blessed is to sleep in peace and wake up in peace.

We need someone to share our happiness.

Only a thankful heart can see blessings in daily life.

Courage is the ladder to achieve your dreams.

Friends are ones who support you in the dark.

Focus on the present is to invest in the future.

Faith is the turning point from darkness to light.

Open yourself to enjoy every precious moment.

Too Busy for a Friend..

2007-10-02T19:04:00.000-07:00

One day a teacher asked her students to list the names of the other students in the room on two sheets of paper, leaving a space between each name.
Then she told them to think of the nicest thing they could say about each of their classmates and write it down.
It took the remainder of the class period to finish their assignment, and as the students left the room, each one handed in the papers.
That Saturday, the teacher wrote down the name of each student on a separate sheet of paper, and listed what everyone else had said about that individual.

On Monday she gave each student his or her list.
Before long, the entire class was smiling.
"Really?" she heard someone whispered.
"I never knew that I meant anything to anyone!" and, "I didn't know others liked me so much." were most of the comments.

No one ever mentioned those papers in class again.
She never knew if they discussed them after class or with their parents, but it didn't matter.
The exercise had accomplished its purpose.
The students were happy with themselves and one another.
That group of students moved on.
Several years later, one of the students was killed in Vietnam and his teacher attended the funeral of that special student.
She had never seen a serviceman in a military coffin before.
He looked so handsome, so mature.
The church was packed with his friends.
One by one those who loved him took a last walk by the coffin.
The teacher was the last one to bless the coffin As she stood there, one of the soldiers who acted as pallbearer came up to her.

"Were you Mark's math teacher?" he asked.
She nodded: "yes."
Then he said: "Mark talked about you a lot."

After the funeral, most of Mark's former classmates went together to a luncheon.
Mark's mother and father were there, obviously waiting to speak with his teacher.

"We want to show you something," his father said, taking a wallet out of his pocket.

"They found this on Mark when he was killed. We thought you might recognize it."

Opening the billfold, he carefully removed two worn pieces of notebook paper that had obviously been taped, folded and refolded many times.
The teacher knew without looking that the papers were the ones on which she had listed all the good things each of Mark's classmates had said about him.

"Thank you so much for doing that," Mark's mother said.
"As you can see, Mark treasured it ."

All of Mark's former classmates started to gather around.
Charlie smiled rather sheepishly and said, "I still have my list. It's in the top drawer of my desk at home."
Chuck's wife said, "Chuck asked me to put his in our wedding album."

"I have mine too," Marilyn said "It's in my diary."

Then Vicki, another classmate, reached into her pocketbook, took out her wallet and showed her worn and frazzled list to the group "I carry this with me at all times,"
Vicki said and without batting an eyelash, she continued: "I think we all saved our lists."

That's when the teacher finally sat down and cried.
She cried for Mark and for all his friends who would never see him again .

Author's Note:
The density of people in society is so thick that we forget that life will end one day.
And we don't know when that one day will be.
So please, tell the people you love and care for, that they are special and important.
Tell them, before it is too late.

And one way to accomplish this is to send this message on.
If you do not send it, you will have, once again passed up the wonderful opportunity to do something nice and beautiful If you've received this, it is because someone cares for you and it means there is probably at least someone for whom you care.

If you're "too busy" to take those few minutes right now to forward this message on, would this be the VERY first time you didn't do that little thing that would make a difference in your relationships?
The more people that you send this to, the better you'll be at reaching out to those you care about.
Remember, you reap what you sow.
What you put into the lives of others comes back into your own.

Just so you know

2007-09-20T06:50:00.000-07:00

You fit into me
A hook
An eye

A fish hook
An open eye

Poet: Margaret Atwood

i am always beside, never with.

2007-08-03T05:50:00.000-07:00

I live through my dark existence
only to bask in your beauty
your eyes that shine like sapphires
your smile that brightens even my sad existence
I envy the wind that runs through your hair
that touches your lips
I long to touch you
to hold you in my arms but I cannot
for your heart belongs to another
so, I can only love you from afar
your friendship means more to me
than anything this world provides
but like an angel you touched my heart
in a way that I've never felt before
cause I've never known what love is until this day
I know that we are only friends
but my heart wishes it to be more
so I will still hope and dream
that one day I can hold you in my arms and say,
"I love you"

Ode to my Prince

2007-08-01T05:39:00.000-07:00

One warm November day,
My heart was swept away,
When my eyes met yours, it was a simple story,
My heart was aflutter with an unheard melody,
I guess that's what they call puppy love...

Getting to know you day by day,
Was as easy as child's play,
You're special, unique, one of a kind,
You're a rebel, a sweetie and such a rare find,
I guess that's what they call puppy love...

When I feel down, lonely or weary,
You come to me, all smiles and cheery,
Your gentle kisses, so warm and tender
Never fails to make my woes surrender
I guess that's what they call puppy love...

People come, and people go
But your loyalty remains, like a perfect beau,
I always knew my prince would come,
White coat, black nose and the furriest crown,
With a cock of the head, a yelp and a frown,
I know for sure, this is puppy love.

Poet: Jeanette Aw
Extracted from: I weekly 12 July 2007 edition

Engagement

2007-07-27T20:22:00.000-07:00

“Engaged, aren’t you?”

Bliss looked up from her building blocks to the sneering voice.
It was Rhaen.
He had his thumb in his mouth, staring at her building.
Bliss looked down in puzzlement.

“Engaged?” She frowned at her block “building”, looking this way and that. “What’s engaged?”

“Engaged means…uh…means that…uh…that you are going to be married to someone. Yup, that’s right. It means…” the boy looked at the girl’s puzzled face. ”It means that you wear a ring on your fourth finger on your left hand.” The small boy pointed at the silver ring on the girl’s left hand. “See, you’re wearing a ring on your fourth finger. That means you’re engaged.”

“I am not!”

“Yes you are! Tell me now, which boy are you going to marry?”

“I am not engaged!”

“Am too!”

“Am not! And if you don’t stop being mean I’m never going to speak to you again!”

“You’re probably going to marry Paul. He’s always giving you candy from his recess.”

“Paul is fat, and you are very mean. I mean what I say. I’m not going to talk to you forever!”

With that, the five-year-old girl stalked off, her small nose high up in the air.
She didn’t see the hurt in her best friend’s eyes, or the tears that threatened to overflow down his fat cheeks.
He looked down at the stack of blocks, overturned in her anger.
She had wrenched the ring away, indignant.
Rhaen picked up the silver ring, and looked back to the retreating figure, stalking haughtily to the paint easels, her little nose turned up. She didn’t look back.

He looked down at the ring again, his pudgy fingers grasping it tightly. He looked back to the girl, and saw her hand lift up to wipe away her tears.
Something made him run forward towards the crying girl.

She turned at the sound of nearing footsteps, and the running boy crashed into Bliss. They both fell onto the floor. Bliss started to cry again, rubbing her sore bottom.

“Don’t cry. I’m…I’m…sor..sorry.” The boy muttered softly. Bliss looked up in surprise, her purple eyes still wet. Rhaen blushed. He’d never said sorry before.

“There. I said it. I’m sorry I was mean. I was jealous, that’s all.”

“Jealous? What is that?” The girl scrunched up her face in puzzlement again.

“Jealous is…is…” The six-year-old scratched his head for an explanation. “Jealous is…” He looked down at the little girl’s face, no longer crying. She looks so cute when she scrunches up her face like that, he thought, regaining his good temper. “Never mind what jealous is. Just that it’s a bad thing. And I was being mean cause I felt bad.” The little girl nodded gravely, though she didn’t really understand.

“Yup, you were mean.” She turned her back towards the boy, pushing her nose up in the air. The little boy looked sufficiently chagrined. She peeked at him obviously.

“But I forgive you.” She turned back again, smiling. Rhaen smiled too, relieved. And then he looked at the ring in his hand.

“There. I think this belongs to you.” He took the ring and sled it onto the girl’s fourth finger. Left hand. The girl frowned, scrunching up her face in puzzlement once more.

“I thought this means that I’m engaged.” She said, looking at her ring. Rhaen grinned at her.

“Yes it is.” He looked mischievously at Bliss. “You are engaged to me!”

With that he took the girl’s left hand in his, and ran off to the building blocks once more.

---

Bliss fidgeted uncomfortably.
All her life she had been comfortable with almost everything.
Everything, that is, except for the note she held in her hands.
It was addressed to Rhaen.
She had known him since kindergarten.
They had been close friends, their mothers had known each other really well.
When he was seven he had to leave the country with his parents to Japan.
He had said something about his father being posted there, but to a six year old kid, that had meant nothing but having her best friend torn away.
And now he is back, after nine years. Nine whole years.
And she suddenly felt that she wanted to be close to him all the time.
At first she had put it down to the long time they had been apart.
But over time, she realised that her feelings were deeper than that.
She was having a crush on him.
She fiddled with the note again. It was her confession note. That is, it said what Bliss felt for him.
She wondered whether she should give it to him.
He fidgeted in his seat, venturing a smile on the girl who sat beside him.
She smiled back.
He kept glancing to the note in her hand. I
It had his name on it.
He wondered what was in it.
Rhaen didn't like surprises.
It just didn't give him enough time to react, and often his mask of indifference fell when he was surprised.
He didn't like that. He didn't like surprises.
His gaze flickered back to the note, his mind thinking about her. Bliss. Her name fitted her.
Every time he was near her, bliss was what he felt.
Even back in kindergarten.
He smiled secretly, remembering the moments of jealousy he had felt whenever the innocent five year old had socialized with other guys, unknowingly hurting his feelings.
But they were young then.
He had come back to find not the pudgy adorable kid but the equally innocent and pretty girl.
No, not pretty.
Beautiful. Momentarily he thought: I am in love.

But what about HER?

Bliss looked up in time to see Rhaen's lips purse, his eyes harden and his smile disappear.
She frowned and started fiddling with the note again.
Sometimes he would be really nice to her, and then he would seem to change into someone else altogether, someone who was cold and indifferent, someone who hated himself.
Like how he was now.
Suddenly a thought struck her: What if he has a girlfriend? What if he wants her to go away?

Rhaen tried to block them out, but they kept coming. Thoughts of her, the times they spent together
No! I am over her now!
But they kept coming, flooding his mind. Images of Gillian, smiling, laughing, sleeping.
And then, Gillian saying I love you to him, her face etched with pain and her blood running down his arms as he held her.
Her last words drifted into his ears once more.
Wait for me. She had died then.
Bliss looked up, studying Rhaen's face.
He looked so serious, so hurt, so full of pain.
She looked down at the note again, biting her lip nervously.
The writing on top was smudged, the blue streaks reflecting her inner turmoil.
She saw her mum waving in the distance. She had to go home.
Well, Rhaen, see you tomorrow then.
She kept her voice even.
Rhaen didn't even look up.
Softly, she whispered a hurt goodbye.
Then she walked off towards her mother, throwing the note into the dustbin.

Author's Note:
if you EVER have anything to say, any truth to confess, its better to take a chance and do it. Do not be afraid of disappointment as you never know how things will turn out.

Daniel and Jasmine in 30 days

2006-09-19T02:12:00.000-07:00

Daniel: I guess we are the left overs in this world.
Jasmine: I think so...all my friends have boyfriends and we are the only 2 persons left in this world without any special someone in our lives.
Daniel: Yup! I don't know what to do.
Jasmine: I know! Let's play a game.
Daniel: What game?
Jasmine: I'll be your girlfriend for 30 days and you'll be my boyfriend.
Daniel: That's a great plan in fact, I don't have anything to do for the following weeks...

Day 1:
They watched their first movie together and were both touched in the romantic film.

Day 4:
They went to the beach and had a picnic...Daniel and Jasmine had their quality time together.

Day 12:
Daniel invite Jasmine to a circus and they went to a Horror House...Jasmine was scared and she tried to hold Daniel's hand but she touched someone else's by accident.
They both laughed...

Day 14:
They saw a fortune teller down the road and asked for their future.
The fortune teller said: "My darlings, please don't waste the time of your lives... spend your time together happily." Then tears flow from the fortune teller's eyes.

Day 20:
Jasmine invited Daniel to go to the hill and they saw a meteor... Jasmine mumbled something.

Day 28:
They rode on a bus and because of the bumpy road, Jasmine gave her first kiss to Daniel by accident.

Day 29: 11.37pm
Daniel and Jasmine were sitting in the park where they first decided to play this game...

Daniel: I'm tired Jasmine...do you want any drinks? I'll buy you one, I'll just go down the road...
Jasmine: Apple juice would be fine, thanks.
Daniel: Wait for me...

*20 minutes later, a stranger approached Jasmine.*

Stranger: Are you a friend of Daniel?
Jasmine: Yes, why? What happened?
Stranger: A reckless drunken driver ran over Daniel and he is critical in the hospital.

11.57pm
The doctor came out from the emergency room and handed an apple juice and a letter to Jasmine.
Doctor: We found this in Daniel's pocket.

Jasmine read the letter and it says:
Jasmine, this past few days, I realized you are a really cute girl and I am falling for you.. your cherished smile, your everything.
when we played this game...before this game ends, I would like you to be my girlfriend for the rest of my life. I love you, Jasmine...

Jasmine crumples the paper and shouted: "Daniel! I don't want you to die...I love you... Remember that night we saw a meteor? I mumbled something.. I wished that we would be together forever and never end this game. Please don't leave me, Daniel... I love you, you cannot do this to me!"

Then the clock strikes 12.
Daniel's heart stopped.
It was the 30th day.

Brittney

2006-07-06T05:08:00.000-07:00

Brittney loved basketball,
Friends and parties too,
And when it came to painting,
That's all she wanted to do.
She painted everything she saw,
Birds, flowers, and the sky,
Some days she sat at her window,
And painted everything that passed her by.

But lately she'd been feeling woozy,
Her muscles ached a lot,
And her parents got kind of worried,
So they took her to the doctor.
The doctor took a couple of tests,
To see if everything was okay,
Then the nurse came out with a look of sadness,
And this is what she had to say;

"I'm sorry, but you've got leukemia,"
"You've got about 3 months more."
Then Brittney got up and ran out of the room,
And slammed the office door.
She ran down the street screaming,
And cried her eyes out dry,
And stayed up all night,
Wondering what it's like to die.
Her parents held her tightly,
And said, "We love you,"
"We'll make your last few months the greatest,"
"We'll do anything for you."

So Brittney and her parents moved to Florida, to live by the sea,
Because Brittney loved the ocean,
And when she died, that's where she wanted to be.
She spent her days painting,
And horseback riding in by the bay,
But one day she met this guy,
And his name was Jay.

They collected seashells together,
And talked about all kinds of things,
And then one day while walking,
He handed her a ring.
It said, "I love you,"
Which brought tears to Brittney's eyes,
And when he put it on her finger,
She began to cry.

He asked her what was wrong,
and she then replied, "I've got leukemia, about a month more."
He said,"No matter what, I love you. "
"And no matter what, you are the one I adore."
So they spent everyday together,
And swam in the Atlantic all day,
But Brittney was getting weaker,
And it was hard for her stay awake.

So one day Brittney painted her picture,
And gave it to Jay,
She said, "I want you to remember me,"
"Even when I leave this place."
But one day while they were walking,
And searching for seashells in the sand,
Brittney collapsed and started to lose her breath,
And said to Jay, "Please hold my hand."

"I love you more than anyone,"
"You are my only true love,"
"But now my time is up,"
"I'll watch you from above."
Then Brittney's body was lifeless,
As she lay in Jay's arms,
And he sat there all day,
And kept her safe from harm.

Author's Note:
I hope this teaches you a lesson.
To tell someone you love them whenever you can.
Because maybe they'll be gone tomorrow.
And you won't be there to hold their hand.
Because love is everything to everybody.
Without it, the world would be dead.
Everyone deserves an "I love you."
So always tell someone you love them.
Because there may be no one for that person to say it back to.

When you love somebody...

2005-11-02T04:54:00.000-08:00

From the very beginning, a girl's family strongly objected on dating this guy, saying that it has got to do with family background, and that the girl will have to suffer for the rest of her life if she were to be with him.
Due to family pressure, the couple quarreled very often
Though the girl love the guy deeply, she always ask him: "how deep is your love for me?"
As the guy is not good with his words, it caused the girl to be very upset.
With that and the family pressure, the girl often vents her anger on him.
As for him, he only endured it in silence.

A couple of years later, the guy finally graduated and decided to further his studies overseas.
Before his departure, he proposed to the girl: "I'm not good with words. All i know is that i love you. If you allow me, i will take care of you for the rest of my life. As for your family, i will try my best to talk them around. Will you marry me?"
The girl agreed and with the guy's determination, the family finally give in and agreed to let them marry.
So before he left, they were engaged.
The girl went out into the working society whereas the guy was overseas, continuing his studies.
They send their loves through e-mails and phone calls.
Though it was hard, they never give up.

One day, while the girl was on her way to work, she was knocked down by a car that lost control.
When she woke up, she saw her parents beside her bed.
She realized that she was badly injured. Seeing her mother cry, she wanted to comfort her.
But she realized all that could come out from her mouth was just a sigh.
She has lost her voice...
The doctor said that the impact on her brain caused her to lost her voice.
Listening to her parents' comfort but with nothing coming out from her, she broke down.
During the stay at the hospital, besides silent cries, its still silent cries that accompanied her...

Upon reaching home, everything seems to be the same, except for the ringing tone of the phone which pierce her heart every time it rang.
She does not wish the guy to know nor wanting to be a burden to him.
So, she wrote a letter to him, saying that she does not wish to wait any longer.
With that, she sent the ring back to him.
In return, the guy sent millions and millions of replies and countless phone calls.
All the girl could do besides crying is still crying...the parents decided to move away, hoping that she would eventually forget everything and be happy.

With a new environment, the girl learned sign language and started a new life, telling herself everyday to forget about the guy.
One day, her friend came and told her that he is back. She told her friend not to let him know what had happened to her. Since then, there wasn't anymore news of him.
A year has passed and her friend came with an envelope containing an invitation card to the guy's wedding.
The girl's heart shattered.

When she opened the letter, she saw her name on it. She was about to ask her friend what's going on when she saw the guy standing in front of her.
He used sign language to tell her, "I've spent a year to learn sign language. Just to let you know that I have not forgotten our promise.
Let me have the chance to be your voice.
I love you...
With that, he slipped the ring back to the girl's finger. The girl finally smiled...

Founded by: Si Ling
Re-Written by: 蝶 Cho